Babel

I had my first language-related incident last night. Hey, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

I decided to try to find the Odeon, a cinema that shows American movies, in English, several times per week. It was easy to find, right around the corner from the school. I walked into the lobby and saw a huge poster propped up on a stand advertising Dreamgirls. The times were listed, including the third time down: 18:30. I glanced at my watch; it was 6:20. Perfect! I even had 10 minutes to spare. I walked up to the ticket counter and said to the woman behind glass, “Un biglietto per Dreamgirls, per favore.” She responded rapidly in Italian, and gestured in the direction of, I guessed, the screens. Although I had no idea what she said, I nodded dumbly and said “Sì.” She took my money, handed me my ticket and change, and sent me on my way.

A man behind a velvet rope took my ticket and tore it, handing me my stub (which luckily I kept, unlike George Costanza!). Next, I walked over to the concession counter and purchased a small popcorn and a Coca-Cola Light (there’s no such thing as “Diet” in Italy). I still had five minutes to spare. I opened the first door I came to, which led out into the street; boy, this theatre was confusing! Then I spotted a huge floor-to-ceiling velvet curtain. Could the screen be behind there? I parted it; indeed, this was a theatre, with a movie already in progress. I shut the curtain quickly, hearing a few hisses as I did, and returned to the concession stand to ask, “Dov’è Dreamgirls?” The man looked at me blankly. I tried again. Nothing. Eventually he looked at my stub and said, “Queen.” What? What did he mean by that? I looked at my stub for the first time; sure enough, I had a ticket for The Queen, which had started more than 20 minutes ago. He then said “No Dreamgirls.”

Puzzled, I walked back to the ticket counter and in rough Italian tried to ask the cashier what had happened. All she could say was “Only Queen.” I pointed to the poster for Dreamgirls, to which she responded “Only Queen.” This was going nowhere. I decided to try the man at the velvet rope. We got a little farther through my limited Italian and his limited English, as well as universal gestures and my pointing to “18:30” on the poster. It turns out that the large poster in the lobby for Dreamgirls was actually advertising that the film was showing at another theatre, in Italian no less. Apparently, to find out what was showing at this theatre, I was supposed to pick up a brochure at the ticket counter, which listed all the dates and times for the month. I then asked for a refund; he said, “No refund. I tore ticket,” accompanied by a gesture demonstrating his ticket-tearing skills. Now I really felt as if I were in a Seinfeld episode!

Naturally, I pondered this for some time after leaving the theatre. Maybe it was my fault; perhaps I should have translated the movie title into Italian when purchasing my ticket, but I somehow thought that the cashier at a movie theatre would recognize the movie title, regardless of the language. After all, I recognize Il Postino and Cinema Paradiso well enough without translation. And what would the translation be? There’s really no such word as “Dreamgirls,” at least you won’t find it in a dictionary, so perhaps I should have worked with the individual words. Maybe I should have said Sogno Ragazzi. But with “sogno” serving as an adjective, should I make it plural since “ragazzi” is plural (Sogni Ragazzi)? And in Italian, sometimes adjectives come after the nouns they describe. That would make it Ragazzi Sogno or Ragazzi Sogni. And shouldn’t I really be using the noun “donna”; after all, these are grown women we’re talking about. If so, would I say Sogna Donne, Sogni Donne, Donne Sogno, or Donne Sogni? My mind began to grow numb.

The good news, though, is that the velvet rope guy agreed to let me use my ticket stub to come back to see Dreamgirls next Thursday, when it really is playing at this theatre in English. At least I think that’s what he said.